REACH For Resilience

Resilience has been on my mind lately for a variety of reasons.  Today, I’m thinking about the fact that my oldest child is now a senior in high school.  This is my little boy.  The little boy who, 17 years ago, we weren’t sure was going to make it to his first birthday let alone his senior year of high school (click here to see how things didn’t go as planned!)

There is a ton of stuff out there about resilience; how to build it, how to be it, how to promote it.  What I keep thinking about is the importance of connection and community in the grand context of resilience.  

I don’t want to speak for anyone else but I tend to think of resilience as an individual characteristic.  A person who shows grit in the face of adversity, who bounces back after hard times.  I’m resilient.  I see it when I look back over the hard times of my childhood, my adulthood and my parenthood.  As I think about resilience within the context of my son who is about to fly out of the nest, I think about the importance of community and connection before, during and after times that challenge our resilience. 

I see my times of building resilience and I see where reconnecting (and lack thereof) impacted the transformative aspects of my own resilience.  Each time a new tough time came along, I just did what my Southern grandmother taught me.  “Bow ya neck” and power through it.  Once the dust settled I just kept going.  After a tough season of life it is “normal” and human to think, “Whew!  I’m glad THAT’S over.  Moving on!!”  

I’m not suggesting we sit and stew for a long time in the uncomfortable juices of our trials and tribulations.  I’m advocating for the PAUSE button.  Before jumping into the “next”, take a moment.  Take a deep breath.  Take some time to celebrate the “is”.  Embrace the present – scrapes, cuts, scars, war wounds and all.  Connect with yourself and your growth.  See how this new version of you fits into your world.  Pushing the PAUSE button allows a little time to embrace the shift, the growth, the stretching that was necessary to practice resilience.  Pushing the PAUSE button gives us the opportunity to live our resilience.

Then, hit the PLAY button and reconnect with everything around you.  The significant people in your life, the significant places in your life, your community - whatever that is for you.  If we skip the connection part, we could miss a key piece that keeps our resilience working. 

We are built to belong.  Our brains are wired for experience.  If you are experiencing a trying time or coming out of one, reach out, reach up, reach over.  It doesn’t matter where – just REACH.