Push The Pause Button
photo credit: pixabay.com/RaphaelSilva
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about words. I love language. I love writing. Even when it’s not “technically” poetry, it’s poetry. I think a lot about how words reflect us as a society. How words can build and how they destroy. Words are a reflection of what’s in our hearts. With children, words are critical; for early literacy, social emotional development, communication and connection. We have lots of sayings about words. “Sticks and stones…” “Actions speak louder than words.” “My word is my bond.”
Words are powerful and, once said, they can’t be unsaid. Like those courtroom dramas where a judge tells the court reporter to “strike that from the record” but we ALL know the jury heard it so how can they pretend to unhear it? Apologies for seemingly “misspoken” words are like this courtroom drama situation. An apology is an attempt to “strike that from the record,” but not before those words have done their damage, deeply wounding one’s soul.
Negative, hurtful, derogatory words fuel disconnection. Just as people are moved to action by words, we are also paralyzed into inaction by words. We create otherness with our words. We create hate with our words. We create division with our words. We create fear with our words. We harm others with our words.
Be intentional with your words. Take people at their word then weigh their words against their actions. We have all had instances where we’ve said something we wish we could take back. We DO need to practice forgiveness but we also need to recognize words MEAN something. They’re not just locker room talk. They’re not just our emotions getting the best of us. They’re definitely NOT empty. They mean SOMETHING, and it might not always be what we intended. While we may not have intended to say those words, they have been said nonetheless. Once they are spoken, they have weight. They have impact. They have meaning.
Next time you “misspeak,” ask yourself why? Why did I say that? In that way? Take your heart seriously. What’s in your heart flows into your words. You may need to say the things you said because there are definitely things that need to be said. However, did you really need to say what you said in that moment exactly at that time?
We must find a way to talk with respect and honor about the hard stuff, the dark stuff, the uncomfortable stuff. We must find a way to disagree without denigration and abuse. When we accept or turn a blind eye to words meant to destroy, we may as well push the nuclear button ourselves. Rather than pushing the “red button,” think about pushing the PAUSE button.
Often harmful words are spoken in anger and on impulse. When we get angry for whatever reason, something called “flooding” happens. It takes just a few minutes of pause to begin to allow our rational brain to kick back in. Count to 10 (or 20, or 30), take a walk around the block or the office, find anyway to slow yourself down long enough to regain control of your heart, your head and your words. Then speak with respect. Speak with honesty. Use your words to connect, regardless of whether or not you can agree. Words can heal and we certainly could use a lot more of that in the world.